Vanessa Brooks (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
vanessabrooks) wrote2009-08-28 08:06 am
vanessabrooks) wrote2009-08-28 08:06 am
It's Not "Black" Hair (It's Not White Either)
Every now and again, I begin to ponder whether or not I should give up my desire to write fantasy and/or science fiction novels and instead focus on writing about the trials and tribulations (and joys) of raising a biracial child in a world that is still homogenous. By homogenous I don't mean that there's no acknowledgement of race or racial issues (though, this could be very true depending on what part of the country/world you're in), but rather that everything (and everyone) is still Black, White, Asian, Hispanic, etc.
What do I mean by this? Allow me to explain.
My daughter is biracial. I'm black (Black. Not African-American. The latter is a whole different rant for a whole different day.) My husband is white. Thirty years ago my daughter would have been "mixed." In today's world of political correctness and handling everything with kid gloves, she's biracial or even more specifically "multicultural" or "multiethnic" because God forbid we actually say something that might offend the delicate sensibilities of someone sitting on a high horse who has absolutely no relation or real world experience to identify with the terminology. And I digress . . .
My daughter's hair isa nightmare a challenge of epic proportions, at least for me. Her hair is gorgeous. Women pay good money to get hair like hers and she gets it from the natural mixing of DNA and stirring up the genes. My DD has hair like Jasika Nichole (Astrid from "Fringe"), like Hannah Hodson (Camille from "Hawthorne.") (Or she would if I had a professional stylist on retainer to handle her hair 24/7). Let's say that it has that texture and that potential. I however, am not a stylist, and after seven years I am at my wits' end to find a way to manage her hair. Thick, gorgeous dark brown locks with auburn highlights that cling together and form bouncy little ringlets which morph into evil, taunting, go everywhere frizz and tangles by afternoon. And that's without high humidity.
What's a dedicated Mom to do? (When I have the answer, I'll get back to you.)
One thing I hear all the time is "well, can't your stylist do something for her?" and "What aboutAfrican-American [grr!] black hair care products?" (editing and commentary mine) Or my favorite, "But isn't it just like your hair?"
I'll take the last one first. NO. NO. Did I say NO? If it was like my hair, wouldn't I be able to actually WORK with it? I've been dealing with my hair for thirty-plus years. I think that if she had my hair, this wouldn't even be a problem.
Which brings me to the answers to the other questions: It's not black hair. Please, take a note, everyone out there, if you should happen to cross paths with someone multiethnic heritage do not assume that because their hair is not immediately identifiable as "white" hair that it is black hair. Let me say it again: It is not always black hair. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule. My 1/4 Irish - 1/4 Natvie American - 1/2 Black grandmother had a brother who could pass for white right down to his straight white blonde hair and blue eyes. My grandmother on the other hand, is pretty darn fair but her hair and facial features are like a big neon sign hanging over her head that says, "Look! This woman is black!" There is a spectrum; some will be at one end, some at the other. Others, like my daughter, got dumped right in the middle (as far as hair care).
(Amusing side anecdote: I've discovered that people will give her a second or third glance when she is with me. It's that look that says "Is she really black? Is there a cracker in the woodpile somewhere?" Yes, I made that bad racial joke. I married a white man who's parents disowned him for hurting them by marrying a nigger. My mother's sister frequently has Spanish spoken to her because people identify her as Latina. My grandfather's family is black black black all the way back. Anyway . . . people question my daughter's ethnic heritage when she is with me, though they will mostly identify that her father must be white or at least a grandparent had to be. With my husband it's a 50/50 crap shoot. He gets asked if she's adopted (and they assume it's from a Latin American country). Or he gets even more patented stares than I do. Mostly, I think, because in 2009 it's still OMGWTFBBQ to see a white man with a black woman. Actually, let me rephrase. It's still OMGWTFBBQ to see an educated, respectable white man with an educated (I like to think respectable) black woman.
(Then again, as DH says, "I'm a white man. We own everything. I can do whatever I want." Usually followed immediately by the grown up equivalent of, "Honey, can I go out and play?")
Back to the hair issue. My daughter does not have black hair. She does not have white hair. White hair care products (when used according to directions) give her happy, pretty hair for a short time and then seem to evaporate as though they were never used, leaving behind a wild mane of frizz and unruliness. Black hair care products are too heavy and oily and greasy. They weigh down her hair, leaving it slick and oily and struggling for air. Her hair needs a happy medium.
Do you know how many salons cater to, sell products for, or even have stylists on staff who know how to deal with biracial hair? I'll give you a hint: my daughter is seven and I'm still looking.
I've found product online. I've used it for a while according to instructions, but then her hair adjusts and I have to move on. There are specialty salons in New York, Chicago, DC ... you know those places where the density of mixed ethnicities makes it "profitable." But in my backyard? Nada.
DD went across the street and made some new friends last night. A few little Latina girls and some cute little Blonde girls. The mom of the little Blondes, said to me, "This is going to sound odd, but I have to ask, how do you manage your daughter's hair?" She went on to explain that her nieces are biracial and her sister struggles with their hair. She continued, "It's just not black hair. My mother went out and said she talked to her black friends and got all this hair stuff and it just didn't work. It's just not like black hair, is it?"
Thank you, dear neighbor, for seeing the light.
Really people, stylists, web sites, product pushers and well-meaning advice givers: It's just not black hair.
Just for the record: It's not white hair either.
What do I mean by this? Allow me to explain.
My daughter is biracial. I'm black (Black. Not African-American. The latter is a whole different rant for a whole different day.) My husband is white. Thirty years ago my daughter would have been "mixed." In today's world of political correctness and handling everything with kid gloves, she's biracial or even more specifically "multicultural" or "multiethnic" because God forbid we actually say something that might offend the delicate sensibilities of someone sitting on a high horse who has absolutely no relation or real world experience to identify with the terminology. And I digress . . .
My daughter's hair is
What's a dedicated Mom to do? (When I have the answer, I'll get back to you.)
One thing I hear all the time is "well, can't your stylist do something for her?" and "What about
I'll take the last one first. NO. NO. Did I say NO? If it was like my hair, wouldn't I be able to actually WORK with it? I've been dealing with my hair for thirty-plus years. I think that if she had my hair, this wouldn't even be a problem.
Which brings me to the answers to the other questions: It's not black hair. Please, take a note, everyone out there, if you should happen to cross paths with someone multiethnic heritage do not assume that because their hair is not immediately identifiable as "white" hair that it is black hair. Let me say it again: It is not always black hair. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule. My 1/4 Irish - 1/4 Natvie American - 1/2 Black grandmother had a brother who could pass for white right down to his straight white blonde hair and blue eyes. My grandmother on the other hand, is pretty darn fair but her hair and facial features are like a big neon sign hanging over her head that says, "Look! This woman is black!" There is a spectrum; some will be at one end, some at the other. Others, like my daughter, got dumped right in the middle (as far as hair care).
(Amusing side anecdote: I've discovered that people will give her a second or third glance when she is with me. It's that look that says "Is she really black? Is there a cracker in the woodpile somewhere?" Yes, I made that bad racial joke. I married a white man who's parents disowned him for hurting them by marrying a nigger. My mother's sister frequently has Spanish spoken to her because people identify her as Latina. My grandfather's family is black black black all the way back. Anyway . . . people question my daughter's ethnic heritage when she is with me, though they will mostly identify that her father must be white or at least a grandparent had to be. With my husband it's a 50/50 crap shoot. He gets asked if she's adopted (and they assume it's from a Latin American country). Or he gets even more patented stares than I do. Mostly, I think, because in 2009 it's still OMGWTFBBQ to see a white man with a black woman. Actually, let me rephrase. It's still OMGWTFBBQ to see an educated, respectable white man with an educated (I like to think respectable) black woman.
(Then again, as DH says, "I'm a white man. We own everything. I can do whatever I want." Usually followed immediately by the grown up equivalent of, "Honey, can I go out and play?")
Back to the hair issue. My daughter does not have black hair. She does not have white hair. White hair care products (when used according to directions) give her happy, pretty hair for a short time and then seem to evaporate as though they were never used, leaving behind a wild mane of frizz and unruliness. Black hair care products are too heavy and oily and greasy. They weigh down her hair, leaving it slick and oily and struggling for air. Her hair needs a happy medium.
Do you know how many salons cater to, sell products for, or even have stylists on staff who know how to deal with biracial hair? I'll give you a hint: my daughter is seven and I'm still looking.
I've found product online. I've used it for a while according to instructions, but then her hair adjusts and I have to move on. There are specialty salons in New York, Chicago, DC ... you know those places where the density of mixed ethnicities makes it "profitable." But in my backyard? Nada.
DD went across the street and made some new friends last night. A few little Latina girls and some cute little Blonde girls. The mom of the little Blondes, said to me, "This is going to sound odd, but I have to ask, how do you manage your daughter's hair?" She went on to explain that her nieces are biracial and her sister struggles with their hair. She continued, "It's just not black hair. My mother went out and said she talked to her black friends and got all this hair stuff and it just didn't work. It's just not like black hair, is it?"
Thank you, dear neighbor, for seeing the light.
Really people, stylists, web sites, product pushers and well-meaning advice givers: It's just not black hair.
Just for the record: It's not white hair either.